The lockdown finally got to me. After more than a year hiding in my house I lost all desire to reach out and most of my desire to create.
In 2021 it’s just felt pointless for me to make anything. Even now writing feels worthless. I feel sure that I’ve been horribly mistaken about the quality of my writing and I can’t tell if it’s impostor syndrome or if I’m finally achieving an accurate estimation of my skills.
As you can imagine it’s been quite the dispiriting time but at least I have got my desire to create back. I’ve been doing digital art. Art used to be my thing. I painted and drew as a child and teenager and even went to art school until I had to drop out because it turns out that it’s a bad idea to go to art school with untreated depression and ADHD.
Anyway… Want to see some art?
Don’t care, posting it anyway.
These are two views of Dunnottar Castle in Aberdeenshire, Scotland. I’m not entirely happy with either of them but I feel like I’m going in the right direction. It’s a long time since I last tried to paint Dunnottar but it felt good.
I think I’m going to keep trying to paint castles for a while yet. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my writing. I’m not sure I’m ready to give up on it but I might be ready to start giving it away.
H.F. Calder, author and artist. 